Presence vs. Presents

If you know me you would realize I am a kid at heart. I love getting presents especially at Christmas. That is one bonus I have from having to go to so many family Christmas parties. However, one thing more desirable than presents is presence. It is being there with somebody who I love. It is sharing a story, climbing a rock together, or just being in the same room.

So what is presence and how does it impact our lives and those we lead?

Presence is Present
Now I know that sounds either trite or very profound. What I mean is when we are with people, we need to be with them wholeheartedly. In our technological age we have many ways to distract ourselves from the very people we seek. Cell phones, Ipods, Internet... all are mediums for communication that can get in the way of being there with someone. I have seen the perfect example of this by watching one of my teenage relatives plugged into their Ipod at a family dinner. They are physically present but their heart is miles away.

A mentor of mine said "Ministry is for the person right in front of you." To serve others we need to be present. Listen and observe the people who are right next to you. What do they need? Give them your undivided attention. Are you too busy for those you lead? Then it is time to reassess your priorities.

Presence is Yielding
Yielding is active waiting. At a yield sign my car is ready but I am waiting for an opportunity pull into the intersection. To be present is to surrender all else to the person at hand. Christmas is the most spectacular celebration of yielding.  The God of the Universe yields himself to become a baby in a manger so that He can serve and save us all.

In the same way do we empty ourselves to serve those under our care? Does their agenda become our agenda, if only for the moment? Do we actively wait on them to serve their needs?

Be Present
Jesus gave the greatest Christmas gift. He is "God with us, Emmanuel." In the same way we can be gifts to those around us. Today give your presence to your loved ones and those who you influence. Be there for them and share with them what God has given you. Give them your "presence".

One step further than you can think

I love encouraging students in rock climbing. There are many spiritual breakthroughs that people accomplish on the side of the rock. They are stretching their mind and bodies beyond their perceived limitations. I have been privileged to be a teacher's assistant for climbing classes through Biola University for the last five years.

We take groups of students out to Joshua Tree National Monument where everything is a climbing wall. However, the bigger obstacle is not the rock. It is fear. Many students hit their mental limitations way before their physical ability. One phrase I use to help is "Go one step further than you can think." It is reaching for that next ledge or trying one more time after you think you are done.

The same principles hold true for students in our youth ministry. Life pushes them further than the limits of their faith. So how do we encourage students in our ministry to go one step further?

Encourage Them Every Step
Students have so many negative images in their lives both externally and internally. We need to create safe relationships for them where they feel loved and accepted. This helps students experience security, belonging and significance in their relationship with Jesus. With our climbing classes we encourage students every inch of the climb. My greatest sense of accomplishment is when someone who never climbs before reaches the top for the first time. Experiencing the joy, the exultation and glory with them is the best feeling.

Hold the Rope for Them
When we are doing our climbs everyone has a belayer. This person holds the rope for the climber and protects them when they fall. In youth ministry, we need hold the rope for teenagers. Be their greatest supporter. Give them everything they need to succeed. We become the coach and students become the stars. In this way youth ministry moves from entertaining teenagers to equipping them for a life of evangelism.

Allow them to Fail
Freedom to fail is vital in equipping students. The image students sometimes have of Christianity is a list of rules and laws that they must not break. We need to overcome this legalistic perspective and help youth embrace the relationship Jesus desires to have with them. By allowing them to fail we give students grace wrapped up in a relationship of love. I love Thomas Edison's perspective on failure. When his laboratory went up in flames with his life's work he talked about how all his mistakes were burned up and he was ready to start fresh.

Go One Step Further
In helping students reach their potential we need to do the same. It is valuable for youth leaders to have a team who encourage us as we equip students. That is why I am such a huge fan of local youth worker networks. The youth leaders in those networks hold the rope for one another. If you are a youth worker and not in a network I would encourage you to go to www.youthworkers.net and get involved.

Starting well in a new youth ministry position

I saw a post on youth leaders only from a youth leader wanting advice on starting a new ministry and it started me thinking. I have had made quite a few mistakes in youth ministry (at one church I only lasted 6 months). However, I have learned some valuable lessons from my experiences and here are some ideas that have helped me.

1.      Listen well and make change slowly. There is a reason why the church does things the way they do.

2.      Get the lead pastor and board behind any major changes that need to be done. The more the church leadership owns the ministry the more effective it becomes.

3.      Be an equipper before being a doer. It transforms your students and adults from consumers into workers.

4.      Align the vision, missions and goals of the youth ministries with the vision of the church. In this way the youth ministry becomes a part of the entire church body. Teenagers need many significant relationships with adults from all walks of life to become healthy, well-rounded Christ followers.

5.      Encourage the entire church body to invest into the lives of teenager. 50-80% of them already have a significant relationship with a teenager as a coach, relative, teacher, co-worker, etc.

Ministering to the whole teenager

We are multidimensional beings. Now I am not going to launch into a Star Trek episode to boldly go where no one has gone before. What I mean is we are created with different facets of our being. Even Jesus refers to this when He says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength." In leadership literature the same concept is shared by Stephen Covey in his "7 Habits for Highly Effective People."  He speaks of the "4 Dimensions of Renewal" being Physical, Spiritual, Mental and Social.

As we look to deepen teenagers relationship with Christ and maturity in life, we need to interact with all four attributes. Youth are growing in wisdom and stature just like Jesus did. So lets take a deeper look.

Mental

We are obviously dealing with the brain on this one. It is developing the intellectual capacities of students in thought and action. Our time with students need to help students to think and build their ability to learn. We need to help students struggle with the reason to believe and not just give them pat answers.

The vehicle for encouraging the mental development is discipleship. Discipleship is characterized by life to life ministry interacting with the truth of our faith. It is applying truth into the lives of students and our own lives. The real question becomes, "How do I live my new life in Jesus?" In our teaching and ministry we need to engage their brain. Don't just preach at them, involve them in what you are saying and have them teach you. Students need to be equipped to learn by teaching others.

Physical

We not only worship God with our brain but our body as well. Scriptures say that our body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. In developing disciples we need to focus on how students use their physical nature to glorify God. You see this at work in the lives of Junior Highers especially the ADD ones. They have a hard time sitting because that is how they are wired. By engaging students physically in what they are learning we go beyond their limitations and have the teaching stick. For instance, rather than just preach on serving, involve them in serving others.

I went to Cal Poly SLO where the motto was "Learn by Doing." In my agriculture classes we would go out of the classroom and work hands on with tractors, concrete, cows and crops.  Jesus mastered this concept by using what was in his environment to teach. "Fish" became "Fishers of Men." He sent out his disciples to do it not just talk about it. So the question becomes, "How can I involve students physically in what we are learning?"

In dealing with the physical realm we must focus on the need for healing and growing. Many students are broken and hurting and need healing. Youth need to experience the reality of truth lived out in relationship. It may be giving them a meal or a listening ear or even a ride home. It is also getting onto their turf at their school or neighborhood. Youth workers need to be physically present to show that they care. As the saying goes, "I don;t care what you know until I know that you care."

Spiritual

The spiritual component deals with the unseen realm. God created us with a soul that dwells in a higher plane of reality. On that plane is where angels and demons also dwell. There is spiritual warfare that is happening all around us. Most youth (and adults) are oblivious to this world. Many students are being influenced by spiritual forces they do not even comprehend. My hair stylist once shared with me that she was hearing voices in her room that were scaring her tremendously. And then someone shared Christ with her and she gladly accepted. She was literally scared into becoming a Christian!

While all experiences are not so extraordinary, each of us deal with spiritual realities on a daily basis. God has placed in our soul a spiritual longing to be with Him.  At one time we were all spiritually dead and in need of deliverance through being transformed by Christ. And every choice we make to be in community with Him or live like a practical atheist has spiritual ramifications. So the question becomes "How do I minister to the soul of the youth with whom I work?" Even closer to home is the question, "Does what I do minister to my own soul?"

Social/Emotional

Teenagers are social beings. They have multiple opportunities to connect with others each day. Our ideal is to have socially and emotionally mature youth who can develop healthy relationships and teach others to do the same. Sadly, many teenagers have the same track record as adults with broken relationships and emotional issues. We live in a society with dysfunctional families, relational conflict and pressures on teenagers to both grow up to fast and not grow up at all.

A well rounded ministry creates an environment that serves the relational needs of teenagers. If you look below the surface you will see their need for wise counsel.  They need mentors who care for who they are.  Kara Powell from the Fuller Youth Institute talks about the idea of "Sticky Faith." In her research she finds that students need 5 significant mentoring relationships to make their faith "stick."

Also, youth workers need to know when to counsel students and when they are in over their heads. It is always good to refer to a counselor who understands the needs of Christian teenagers. in conclusion, the question becomes, "How could we more effectively minister to the social and emotional needs of teenagers?"

The Whole Teenager

When we serve the needs of the teenager in all dimensions, our ministries will produce well rounded students that will be effective leaders in their church and community. They will develop the attitude, skills, knowledge, and relationship necessary to love God and love others with their heart, soul, mind and strength.

What's the point?

Too many times in youth groups I have seen teenagers tune out. When I ask them about it they share in words or actions that they were bored with it all. "There is no purpose in it for me," is what they might say when pressed. And sometimes I agree! Many times in our youth ministries we do not focus on the individual's needs and maturity. Some seek to build a good, entertaining program with the mentality that "If you build it they will come."  However, effective youth ministry is not about good programs. It is about equipping teenagers to reach the next level of their maturity. So how do you go about developing a purposeful  ministry to teenagers ?

Establish your purpose
Why were you put here on the earth?  God created us for the purpose of being in relationship with Him. He loves us unconditionally and desires us to grow. He has uniquely endowed us with talents and abilities to love and serve others. In the same way, your ministry has a unique purpose. As you align yourself with God's intended purpose it will kindle your passion and influence. What do you do well? What makes your heart break? These are some keys to your purpose. I am reminded of the Caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland demanding, "Who are you?!"

See if you can write your purpose for ministry down in one sentence. For instance, my wife and I often share that we are "Building relationships that change eternity." or it can be as simple as "Loving the person right in front of me." One of my coworkers, Aaron Babyar, shared, "To glorify God by helping ministry leaders survive and thrive as they glorify God in making disciples for his kingdom." Or another is "Equipping leaders and teenagers in their relationship with Jesus to be disciples makers."

Move from entertaining to equipping
Many times in youth ministry we set our sights on the wrong goals. We look to do the bigger and better to attract more students. We look online for a better game or illustration.We play the numbers game and desperately want more students to "come to a gathering" or "make a decision." Numbers or decisions are just markers for what is truly important; maturity in student's lives.

To illustrate, a couple years back my wife and I went to a renaissance faire with our friends.  Our friends' daughter wanted to to archery. She was too young to shoot on her own so I helped her to shoot the bow. She was so excited when she hit anything because she was the one holding the bow. In the same way the goal for youth ministry becomes equipping teenagers to mature in their relationship with God. We want them to hold the bow and hit the target. In this way students become participants in ministry not just consumers.

Answer the "Why"
As I shared before, I define, "Boring," as "There is no purpose in this for me." We need to define the reason why we want students to participate in ministry. Even better, we answer the question, "Why will a teenager want to participate in our ministry?"  This puts the focus on the needs and desires of the youth. In order to do this we need to get inside teenagers' lives and assess who they are and what is important to them.  Then change your programming to emphasize ways to equip these students in their areas of passion to live and share the good news.

As we establish our purpose, equip teenagers and answer the "Why," teenagers will respond by engaging with their hearts and minds to own the ministry. It will no longer be your ministry to teenagers. I will become a youth ministry team working together in the disciple making process.

The soul of the youth leader

I am a great fan of Henri Nouwen. His depth and simplicity brings me back to what is truly important as we influence teenagers to be disciple makers. I just reordered his book "Out of Solitude" that I loaned to a friend. in this book Nouwen shares the story of Mark 1 where Jesus spends a busy day of ministering, healing a preaching. Then he goes into the wild for time with His Father. Even Jesus needed time to reconnect and take care of His Soul.

Taking care of you soul

Do you do the same as Jesus? I am not just saying doing a quiet time, which has some benefit; but being with your Father and allowing Him to minister to your soul. Jesus was motivated by the desire to be in relationship. He wanted to be with the One who loved Him most. That is the beauty of the Trinity. God lives in community with Himself. each Person of the Trinity enjoys being together in full acceptance and unconditional love. I appreciated how "The Shack" portrayed the intimacy of the Trinity. We can experience the same joy as we spend time with the God. Our soul longs for community with God.

Being in community

From our relationship with God flows true community with others. Until we are fully known, we will not be able to truly know others. In order to be in community we need to first "Be". In knowing who we are in Christ we build the foundation to truly know others. Much of our lives and the lives of teenagers are devoted to creating a false self in reaction to our pain and suffering. As we take time to drop our guard with God we then are able to do the same with others. My sister had a kitten that dearly loved affection until I would try and pet her. Then the kitty became all claws and would push away. We are the same. Our desire for self protection inhibits the very thing we need the most, to be in community.

Ministering out of the overflow

 When we experience that we are fully loved, then we can love students fully. Many youth leaders do not experience the unconditional love that God gives them. Broken families and broken lives prevent them from understanding who God is and how God loves them. It reflects in their lives and relationships. Broken people are looking for security in the relationships around them rather than on the God who loves them.

When our souls are complete in Christ we then are able to minister to students in supernatural ways. This is the overflow principal. God's love overflows from our lives into those around us. I just read a devotional from John Eldrege's book "Waking the Dead."  He describes how we need to be reservoirs storing up God's abundance to flow into the lives of others. Instead, many of us are canals where we empty out once the water stops flowing. This is why it is so important for youth leaders to take care of their own soul.  When I am connected to the source I have God's love pouring out. When I do not take time for Him. I empty out and have nothing more to give.

Why equipping youth leaders is so important

On Mt. Everest, 28,000 feet above sea level, humans are not designed to live. The brain is oxygen starved and the body is only a second from being freeze dried. In these conditions it matters not your good intentions or happy thoughts. It only matters how you have been trained and what you have brought with you. Thankfully youth ministry is not that brutal; but some days it sure feels like it!

In order to survive and thrive in discipling students to be disciple makers, we need to be properly equipped for cross cultural, sub-cultural ministry. So why is it so important to be equipped for youth ministry? There are three factors.

1. Youth need equipped leaders.

Today we live in a global culture that in many ways is driven by the teenager culture. However, throughout history youth have been seen as a world unto themselves. For instance there is a quote that may or may not be Socrates that goes like this,

“Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.”

In other words, they need guidance and direction from those who understamnd their culture to mature in who they are in Christ.

In order for us to connect and build a faith sharing community of students we need to understand thier world and how to disciple them. For instance, in looking to recruit a volunteer youth worker look for someone who can "speak youth", one who can connect with teenagers in their world and love them unconditionally. Or better yet, develop a training program for prospective recruits to learn how to love teenagers and speak their language.

2. Leaders need mentors to train them.

To create a leader you need a leader to effectively train them. There are those that may have innate leader-like qualities, but true leaders are made not born. There is the need for attitude, skills, knowledge and relationships to be developed in the leader through the intentional encouragement of others. Each of us have strengths like our spiritual gifts or natural abilities. However, an effective leader is well balanced in their character, competence and connection. This is done through a process of life on life modeling.

3. Jesus models leadership training

Throughout His ministry Jesus actively searched out individuals to equip so that they could equip others. He spent a night in prayer and then chose his first disiples. he taught them and then sent them out in his name to share with others. He even commands His disciples at the end of His time on earth to "make disciples."

In creating a thriving ministry to students our primary focus needs to be equipping saints for the works of service (Eph 4:12). By following Jesus' example, we are developing mature multiplying disciples. As we focus our ministry on this process not only will the students grow but our leaders will as well.